Average Joes are everywhere. Just look around. More precisely, look UP! Not at the lies your phone keeps selling you.
If you’re beginning to feel like if you’re not in the top percentile of desirable men—the tall, genetically gifted, Ivy-league bred, six-figure-earning “supermen” society idolizes—then you are perfectly on the mark. Welcome to the Average Joe Zone.
The average Joe isn’t dying off, they are growing, mostly by attrition. You see, most of you men out there (myself included) are the very embodiment of the average Joe. We just don’t want to admit it.
For us, the algorithms governing dating apps, social media, and even professional networking platforms are drawing a stark line in the sand: you either stand among the elite, or you vanish into obscurity. This grim landscape doesn’t just marginalize men it dehumanizes them. And it’s pushing many perfectly decent men to the brink.
It’s time we addressed this crisis with clarity, compassion, and conviction. The solution isn’t to mock or shame men who fall outside this hyper-curated ideal, nor is it to drown them in platitudes about hustle culture or gym gains. It’s to confront the flawed systems and cultural narratives that perpetuate this erasure—and to create space for every man to reclaim his inherent worth.
Algorithms of Disposability
In an age dominated by swipes, likes, and curated feeds, the value of a man has increasingly been reduced to a handful of metrics. How tall is he? How symmetrical is his face? Does he come from generational wealth? In these arenas, men with disabilities, chronic illnesses, or genetic disorders are not just overlooked—they’re erased. And the message is perfectly clear: If you’re not perfect, you’re not worthy.
This is brutal. But what’s even more insidious is how this erasure reinforces a toxic feedback loop.
Men internalize societal rejection and either lash out or implode. Many retreat into despair, numbing their pain with drugs, alcohol, or endless hours of doomscrolling. Others, desperate for validation, are drawn into far-right or misogynistic communities that exploit their pain while fueling dangerous ideologies. This has to stop.
But here’s the hard truth: This is not just an algorithm problem. It’s a societal one. And it demands a response that is both empathetic and unyielding.
The David Goggins Dilemma
“Discipline equals freedom,” scream the David Goggins of the world, pounding their chests while scaling yet another impossible mountain. The mantra is seductive: Work harder. Get ripped. Outperform your pain. But for many men—especially those with physical or emotional barriers—this rhetoric isn’t motivational. It’s alienating.
What’s missing from this conversation is an acknowledgment of the deeper qualities that make a man truly great: kindness, empathy, resilience in the face of rejection. Men don’t just need discipline; they need connection. They need spaces where they can show up as they are—broken, imperfect, and human—and still feel valued.
A Blueprint for Navigating the New Masculinity
So, how do we help young men—the Average Joes, the outsiders, the ones who will never tick all the algorithmic boxes—find their footing in this unforgiving world?
It starts with a new kind of leadership, one that champions progressive voices like Scott Galloway and Rich Roll. These men have shown that it’s possible to embody masculinity without succumbing to toxicity, to lead with vulnerability, and to thrive by being authentically human.
Straight up, we need to redefine success. We need to teach men that their value isn’t tied to metrics like height, income, or looks. Success can mean being a reliable friend, a devoted partner, or a compassionate leader. I know many farmers and auto mechanics who make far better fathers and husbands than analysts and traders. Let’s shift the narrative from wealth to presence.
Online echo chambers breed isolation and extremism. Instead, we need spaces—both virtual and physical—where men can share their struggles without judgment. This means mentoring programs, peer support groups, and yes, emotional self-regulation workshops like those offered by REGULATE.
Men who can manage their emotions are less likely to spiral into destructive behaviors. Through practices like mindfulness, cognitive restructuring, and the RIP (Recognize, Interrupt, Pivot) method, we can help men reclaim control over their emotional responses.
We need to call out divisionism any time it raises its ugly head. The current narrative pits men against women, elite against average, winners against losers, and men against other men. This extremeism serves only those looking to manipulate and control. It’s time to reject the zero-sum game and build partnerships rooted in mutual respect.
A Future Worth Fighting For
This socially-stunted world’s obsession with elite perfection has blinded us to the value of grit, heart, and authenticity. If we don’t challenge this thinking, we risk creating a future where the vast majority of men are not just marginalized—they’re neutralized.
But there is hope.
By fostering communities of care, redefining masculinity, and rejecting the toxic narratives that pit us against one another and against women, we can build a world where every man—not just the top 1%—has a seat at the table.
Average Joes are everywhere. Just look around. More precisely, look up, not at the lies your phone keeps selling you. They don’t deserve to be laughed at, discarded, or left behind. They deserve dignity. They deserve compassion. They deserve a future.
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