When you lose your shit, you’re never alone. Something new appears. And it promptly shoves you aside to hijack the controls…
[best read in the voice of Willem Dafoe]
by Thor Uram
In the lowermost layers inside the mind of every man is a dark, damp cellar roiling with inky black smoke and stale silence. Our connection to the Shadow Realm, a place filled with spirits violently jealous of the living. This is the place where our personal demons first appear.
Most men would assume I’m speaking metaphorically about our primal emotions like fear, anger, and envy. But those are just the graveyard parts. Your personal demons are something far more sinister.
Universal potentiality
Raw emotions alone cannot manifest. They’re just lost energy currents, vagrant frequencies ebbing and spiraling like serpent swells. We can feel our emotions, of course. Subtle jolts. Blips and spikes. The occasional rub. Palpable, but mostly benign. And they don’t last for very long.
The Shadow Realm senses them, too. It knows that each individual emotion carries a potentiality for creation. But it has to act quickly. When an opportunity presents itself, it gathers these emotions together to assemble something crafty and violently rapacious.
A demon is born.
Yes, It’s You Doing This
Make no mistake. This is a fully-fleshed entity with a wholly individualized and dangerously self-aware personality. It’s not here to help you, as goes the lie we’re often sold. Yes, sometimes allowing a demon to rise to the surface to complete a specific task can be useful, such as in times of war. But only as an absolute last resort. This thing is never here to help.
As creatures of the shadows, your demons harbor a deeply rooted jealousy and craving for the world of the living. They want to see, smell, taste and feel all the things, too. They want to LIVE!
They can never do this, of course. Not permanently. So, each one steals as much time as it can, jerking you down into the cellar to swap places.
They’ve been here before. In other manifestations, through other minds. But these personal demons are yours. Once they’re born they can never be fully destroyed, even as they can never live. And they hate you for this.
Demons Need Love, Too
You caused them to be and you can banish them away. But only back to the cellar. They’re never leaving.
They are now part of the entirety that makes you the person you are. You can never change that. But you need not be afraid.
They would prefer that you were, of course. When you fear them you make it easier for them to come back. You become more susceptible to the swap. Over time, however, I’m going to show you just how easy it is to send them away. At first, you will be horrible at this, and your demons will cause a lot of damage. You’ll get better.
Meet Bill & Bob
Of the many demons that live in my cellar, two are by far the most powerful: Bill and Bob. They are complete opposites, but each is an absolute maestro of a very unique brand of destruction.
Let me first introduce you to Bob…
Bob is a coward. This is by design. It’s his choice and it suits him well.
Bob plays a very good game at feeling sad and lonely and misunderstood. He’s a poet of sorts, which makes it harder to hate him. And I should hate him. I should never listen to Bob because he is a professional liar. Even so, even after having encountered this crafty little bastard numerous times, I still sometimes fall for his shenanigans.
Even now I can feel him squirming. Bob doesn’t like to be talked about.
When I’m tired, weak, overworked or sometimes just plain lazy, Bob shows up. He’s very subtle. Never says a word. Instead, he puts on some sad music, like Radiohead or Days of the New, and then he just sits down in the corner and waits.
I imagine he spends most of his time chewing his nails, scratching his leathery sack. Sometimes I can hear him murmuring to himself and disjointedly snickering.
I’ll give him this much: Bob has the patience of a saint. He’ll sit in that corner for days, sometimes weeks, before I even notice he’s there at all. And by the time I’ve figured out that I have eaten fast food three times in a week, or that I haven’t showered in a few days, he’s already hacked my social accounts and posted the most ridiculous and embarrassing things, made me act silly and in an embarrassing manner. He thinks this is funny.
Bob doesn’t care so much for the sensory portion of life. He’s not a lover or a glutton. He just wants to embarrass me, because that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know you’ve acted shamefully is a delicacy to him.
Bob is fairly easy to dismiss. But he’s so sly. He’ll keep quiet, keeping me snared in depression and loneliness for as long as he can feast. It always sickens me to find him there. Even so, he’s skittish and easily flicked away.
Bill is a killer.
Bill’s sole purpose for existing is to destroy.
Bill is fueled with a rage that burns as hot as a star, and he’s very difficult to wrangle. Left to his own devices, Bill will burn every aspect of my life to the ground and shit in the ashes.
Once Bill appears it’s too late. Some heavy stuff is gonna go down.
When he is least impactful, Bill will use his words to verbally assault others. He’s very good with words, so good that he is able to hand select the most hurtful and demeaning any human language has to offer. He is a demon of extremes, and he will always be heard.
When Bill is able to gain full control people get hurt. Physically.
Thankfully, my connection to the Universe has been powerful enough to prevent Bill from ever harming the most innocent of creatures: children, women and animals. Even Bill knows this would be a step too far.
But, if I consider you a direct and immediate physical danger to myself or someone or something I care about, Bill will destroy you.
And he’ll love every fucking second of it.
The most dangerous part, I’ve found, is that this particular demon wants to be buddies. Bill actually likes me. He’s not very bright. Bill can often be much more difficult to send back to the cellar, often stomping away and breaking things as he goes. But he always relents.
That’s the key. Since it is you who has created them, your demons will, ultimately, always be under your command.
THAT’S ENOUGH
When a demon hijacks your will, it does so without mercy. It becomes you. Your thoughts align with its perspective, your actions follow its lead. But remember: it’s still you pulling the strings. It needs you to exist. And that’s your leverage.
Notice it. Name it. Let it know you’re watching. It can’t hide from you once you see it clearly, and in the end it must obey.
What Comes Next
For now, your job is simply to observe.
Watch these demons as they emerge. Study their movements, their tactics. Give them names. Let them know they’re seen. They’ll try to frighten you, especially at first. But, like all bullies, they will cower when confronted. Every last one of them, this I promise.
This is probably enough to try and wrap your head around for now, and it’s a lot. But these are the important bits.
- Your demons are real because you made them so.
- Each one serves a very specific purpose.
- You’ve likely got more than one.
- When the need arises, they will forcefully swap personalities.
Soon, I’ll share how to go a step further—how to train them to retreat on command, to break character. Eventually, I’ll teach you how to turn their power into your strength.
For now, just be aware of what’s really going on.
Once they’re created your personal demons are with you for life, but that doesn’t mean they get to run the show.
TU
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